why did i even had such high hopes?

only lead to disappointment.. 

seriously what is happening sia?

him too tired?

:(

juz hope he wont do what he did to me in the past..

seriously missing him fucking bad! 

but he no replying or answering me texts and calls.. 

fucking depressing can.. :(

like gt the unwanted feeling.

like im being annoying and irritating :(

ouhya!

saw an old couple today while on the way to korean class..

they like sweet only eh!

envious!

can tell they really love each other despite all the years they went thru

from the way they were holding each other's hand and their action..

hope i can be like them sia.. =x 

or rather we? =p 

"the most romantic story is not of romeo and juliet who died together, 

but grandpa and grandma that grew old together"

:)

tears gabbing each alone moment to come and invade my eyes..

even when im travelling on the bus..

made me only dare to either look down or outside the window..

using my hair to cover my face.. 

only time it let me off was when im around people.. 

in sch doing projects :(

since morning..

ohya..

think i mentioned smth about this morning in the main blog.. 

but didnt say what it was.. 

too down to even want to talk about it..

and i didnt want to start tearing in the middle of the day in the sch library..

=x

woke up in the morning crying...

didnt know exactly what was i dreaming about ald..

but there was dear dear in it i think..

then woke up and started missing him real bad...

like seriously fucking bad..

before i knew it, i was crying..

ya.. first thing in the morning started crying..

not a good sign..

which explains why i had tears in my eyes almost the whole day.. 

wanted to call dear but realised that he's working ald..

so ya..

washed up and got ready for sch with my tears all the while...

managed to calm myself enough to stop and get out of the house but started again as soon as i board the bus... 

hate myself for being such a weakling.. :(

but its not my fault for being this way oso right?

:(

not when dear dear is ignoring me..

not even replying me messages or picking up my call.. :(

seriously need to numb myself..

okokie..

need to head to bed soon ald..

can feel the alcohol effect kicking in ald..

managed to rmb where mummy kept her martell..

chugged down the whole damn cup i mixed..

head starting the feel light-headed ald..

mixed too thick..

but who cares..

fastest way to get numb... 

and that's what i need to feel now.. 

but face and body still not red yet...

means not enough still.. 

and thankfully bro went to bed early..

didnt want to look like an alcoholic in front of bro or set a bad example for him..

not like he never drink outside but still cant let him see his sister being lidat..

will only make him learn all the bad things..

cant cant...

have to be responsible for our actions..

and i dowan him to pick up all the bad things..

at least not because of me..

afterall he's my dear bro although i may always say i hate him and all..

but still deep down there i reali love him...

always my fucking annoying coconut brain little bro.. ^.^

ok thoughts not reali making sense now..

shall wash up and slp now..

fucking project-ing again in the morning again!

fuck! 

maybe shall chug down another cup.. 

considering im still not red yet.. 

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

behaving unlike the normal me..

something is wrong with my brain these days..

too much project?

not enough slp?

being ignored by dear?

IDK!

FUCK IT! 

okokie.. consultation pushed to 5pm.. wth..

this is seriously such a waste of time..

could be watching my running man or be slping lo..

come to think don even know why i create this blog..

LOL!

posting too often on main blog like annoying sia!

considering how long each of my posts are... like always!

haha! =p

maybe can consider making this my other 'twitter' ba..

lols.. =.=

coz some things cant be posted there...

like things related to project and those bitches...

oh..

saying of those bitches..

okokie... its not their fault that teacher haven read thru our report and pushed our consultation one hour later..

but they know they not gonna do anything that is fyp related then for what ask me come find them first la!

_|_

doing nth now..

thankfully gt this new account for me to rant on..

:)

ohya! can make this my ranting account! 

not that i dont rant there la!

but sometimes have too much things to rant in one day..

posting them all on main blog is like so.. idk? annoying? 

HAH! 

and also will like 'pollute' it..

so might as well pollute at some other places..

shall make the main blog clean clean..

will still keep the main blog as the main one..

okokies..

seriously dono what i trying to say ald.. :O

okokies...

5pm reaching..

shall fuck off for consultation... 

hopefully the damn teacher dont comment alot lot and make use change alot..

oh!

hopefully those bitches wont want to change alot of things...

i want to go home early!! :((( 

ignorance is a bliss?

the lack of knowledge will bring about happiness?

SO NOT!!

FUCK THE PERSON WHO SAID THIS!! 

its coz of my ignorance that is bringing me so much agony.. 

a week since i last talk to dear dear ald..

fucking miss him..

tried calling him for the past two nights but he's not picking the calls.. 

feels like he's literally ignoring me..

not replying my texts either..

what he dont know is how this is breaking me apart...

but whatever it is cant blame him la

its my fault that he's like this..

:(

pissed him off too many times ald :(

me no no know how to be a good gf

was chatting/ talking to bro last night and realised how fail i am

even bro was saying how terrible i am T_T

ignorance definitely not a bliss 

look at what my lack of knowledge on how to love a person properly has gotten me into 

fucking messed up life...

can i not lose dear? 

i dowan to lose him :(